And so here we are. Who would have thought that the last year would fly by as fast as it did? Or that Obama would win the peace price? I mean, there are others in the world who have worked as much for peace. Yes, I might be referring to a certain religion, who through their work to promote a certain holy vegetable, has contributed to the work for global peace. But we’ll let that be for now. There’s always next year.

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What does one find if one goes cucumber hunting on youtube? The answer is shocking, and very Japanese. The first video that comes to sight is named Cucumber trumpet “march of bee”, and is a direct insult to this religious community. A video features a man who has made a “trumpet” out of a cucumber, a paprika and a carrot. Resulting is a horrendous device, which looks like something your kindergarten aunt forced you to make, and you never forgave her for. Behind this abomination of an instrument sits the creator, a man who calls himself heita3. A quick glance at his uploaded videos, will make you realize what sick pleasures this man gets from molesting vegetables. Nothing is too degrading for this man who has made videos playing anything from a cabbage slide flute, to an ostrich egg ocarina.

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…and so it came to beeing that one of the cucumber lords descended from the heavens and walked the earth, much joy was it indeed for his followers to wash his feet and feed him with their finest cucumber. It had been grown by a man bearing the name of Gariam, a farmer from the north. And they all aplauded him, for such a fine cucumber had they never seen before. And thus the cucumber lord walked forth and put a hand on the man’s shoulder. And then he, with the mightiest voice anyone had ever heard started singing.

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